If Your Child Could Speak

For all the frustrated parents in the house. I know your pain. My 19 year old was once 3. I’ve also worked with hundreds of children over the past 20 years here in Japan. (mostly 3 to 10). Please be patient. It gets better. The little ones don’t stay small forever. Let’s look for a moment through the eyes of a little one. If they could speak articulately and fluently, they may say something like the following… Mommy, please don’t be mad at me. I really have no idea what I am doing. I have no sense of time. One


Read More

The Power of Projecting

Saying stuff like the following to your child is called projecting. You never clean your room. You never do your homework on time. You will never learn this subject. You’re just like your father/mother. You are just not good at this are you? Saying stuff like the above is presuposing something is concrete and can’t change. But we are not concrete. Humans are constantly changing and growing. Adults and especially children dislike this being done to them. For some of us doing it, we don’t even know we’re doing it because it’s a bad habit picked up from our own


Read More

How to deal with a crying child

One of the best things we can do for our children or the children we work with is to let them cry and feel. But most can’t handle the emotion that a crying child brings up in them. As a result, adults try to fix the child, placate, shame the child, ignore, etc. Because I grew up in a very unhealthy family, I was not allowed to feel and when it came to crying, that would often get me slapped in the face so I could have something real to cry about. Because of my upbringing, the first half of


Read More

How To Say No To A Child And Still Demonstrate Leadership And Love

Saying no to your child or any child for that matter is tricky business but I think I’ve found a very affective framework that works most of the time. Key points 1. Always have something else to put the focus on after saying no. We are not going to drag chairs on the floor because it makes scratches (as you put the chair away), lets have a drink, read a book, dance, etc. If you do not have something else to direct the focus to that is positive, you risk getting into a power struggle which is never fun. If


Read More