Besides being proven by extensive studies that spanking, hitting, or beating children does more harm than good, parents are still doing it.
If you’ve been hit or have done it or are still doing it, this article should serve you well.
What happens when a child gets hit?
They go into “shock”. It’s as if they can’t believe their parent, the person that stands between them and their survival is no longer on their side.
I believe this is one of the most traumatic things you can do to a child right before rape, which is the ultimate evil… I’ll explain.
Having been beaten as a child, physically force-fed for not wanting to eat certain foods, and physically punished extensively, I know what can happen as a result of abuse.
Here are some things that can emerge if a child is hit over time.
– They become professional liars
Out of fear of being hit and losing their parents’ love and protection, they will lie about school, interactions with friends, or whatever to keep the peace. This is not a good characteristic to bring into adulthood.
– They become very good at hiding
They hide their problems.
They hide their feelings.
They hide their desires.
Hiding from such a young age develops a “move away from strategy”. Instead of moving towards what they want in life, they move away because they don’t think they deserve it. Everything tends to look like a threat. This is because they have a hyperactive amygdala. The amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for wanting to fight, flight or hide when it feels threatened.
As a result of hiding, they dislike themselves, and as they do this, their self-esteem deteriorates. With low self-esteem, they become susceptible to predators, drugs, premature sex, running away, etc.
– They develop PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder)
This can cause them to be extremely uncomfortable for no reason in social situations.
Just the slightest raise of your voice could trigger a flashback of being hit and they check-out emotionally.
-They can become drug addicts
Many drug addicts were abused as children. Because drugs provide a temporary feeling of warmth and acceptance, it’s easy to become addicted. Once addicted, it’s almost impossible to beat.
-They become abusers
They hit their siblings, classmates, and often hurt themselves.
People that hurt tend to hurt others.
-They link love to being abused
I’ve been stuck in this myself and have talked to women that stayed with abusive men, for the same reason. When asked about this they say, “In some strange way I feel he does not really love me unless he hits me.”
So if hitting a child is such a terrible thing to do, why do people do it? Some may say, “It’s for the child’s own good.” Others will say, their parents did it. Everyone has a logical reason that camouflages the truth.
Here’s what I know from working with parents.
It’s never about the child as much as it’s about the parent.
Say a parent has a covert intent of controlling their child. When the child does not match the image of what the parent thinks the child should be, pressure builds within the parent. As the pressure builds and the pain increases the parent is looking at the child. The child is now responsible for this pain within the parent and that’s when the child gets hit.
Some parents have lots of pressure and take it out, on the children.
For others hitting their children is a knee-jerk reaction because it’s how they were raised. It happens so fast it leaves the parent feeling bad later because as one parent told me “I have no idea what came over me!”
My own mom comes to mind. My father before leaving us beat her for years in front of us and beat us too.
My mom had no resources or support when my father abandoned us.
She was under so much pressure raising four kids alone on welfare, she would not only hit us for what seemed to be no reason but would also tell us that she wished we were never born. I could see on her face there was a sense of release and relief as she said it along with anger towards herself for acting that way.
As a result of being raised in an abusive family, the first 25 years were basically a living hell for me. Luckily, I did a lot of work to become who I am today… Most will never make it.
If you are hitting your child, I have three things you can do right now to turn it around.
1. STOP… please.
Tell yourself no matter what, I will never, ever hit my child again. I’ll punch a pillow, the wall, or whatever but I will never ever hit my child again.
2. Tell your child you are so sorry and you will never ever do that again.
3. Get professional help to get down to the bottom of why you feel the need to hit another human being. For sure there is something going on that needs to be addressed that has nothing to do with your child. The child’s actions are just a trigger for something going on with you.